Husband and I sort of had the talk today. I say sort of because we didn't really get in depth with it. He made it clear that I am the one driving this bus and he will go along with any decision I make. I was able to pull out of him that he would like to try IVF since we have the insurance for it. I sort of agree, but I'm scared of going all the way with IVF. I'm afraid of the financial and emotional upheaval it will be, but wouldn't adoption be the same way?
Part of me wants to take a break because I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker. I want to focus on other things, like getting a house. Another part of me just wants to move on to adoption after getting a house. If I'm being really honest I'll tell you that I'm tired of this roller coaster. We've been at this for five years and if it hasn't worked by now, will it ever work? That is the question that keeps running through my head. A break sounds really nice, but I feel like I'm running out of time for a baby.
I feel really weak for wanting to move on. I applaud adoptive parents and even hope to be one at some point, but I don't want to give up on a baby from our DNA. I don't know what to do. I wish someone could point me in a direction and say 'go do this.'
I feel like I'm frozen in place.
You do have some tough decisions to make, and only you know what is right for you. You are one of the very few women that has coverage for IVF, I wouldn't rule that out completely, yet. However, with adoption you know a baby is guaranteed at the end, it isn't with IVF. Decisions, decisions...you will get through this because you are a strong, beautiful woman.
ReplyDeleteOh I know this feeling of "to break or not to break." I suggest taking it easy for a cycle or two and just mull things over. That won't hurt anything, but I do understand the feeling of urgency! I am envious of your coverage for IVF (adoption is not on the table for us) but Scarlett is right, only you know what's right for you. I feel at the end of my rope over and over, but here I am, still holdin' on! Wishing you calm and clarity, my friend!
ReplyDeleteSound advice, y'all. I think I may end up taking couple of cycles off, just to get my head clear. I feel like I can't make a decision with all these desperate emotions swirling around in my head.
ReplyDeleteI so wish you guys were here instead of other states. We could discuss this over several bottles of wine. Or whatever.
My inlaws live in FL - Sarasota, I would highly consider meeting up with you in the middle somewhere in FL for a glass of wine, etc! I am not sure when I'll be traveling there next, but I go there frequently!
ReplyDeleteYour body is probably physically stressed out, so I agree with the break. As far as the house goes, if you did get a house now, wouldn't it feel empty, having extra rooms and no baby? I say take few cycle break, then go IVF. -m
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