Anyway, I was thinking about what my life was like before infertility smashed its head through the wall. I came up with this list...wait, before I do that I have to ask you this. Do I make too many lists? It's just how my brain works. Whatever, the Before IF list follows as such:
- I thought kids were a done deal. I met a handsome guy, we were in love (or duv, as we call it). Kids were a sure thing.
- My ovaries and uterus didn't have names.
- My life wasn't lived two weeks at a time.
- I didn't dream of babies and wake up to my boobs aching.
- I looked at women with crying kids and thought 'Wow, I am so glad I'm not there yet!.' Now I'd give anything to have a screaming child. And not just for the day, so don't say I can have yours and see how it is.
- I was not jealous of pregnant women (jealousy is probably my least favorite part about IF. It's an awful emotion to feel).
- I didn't know how to give myself shots, but hey, now I do. A plus? Maybe.
- I was never observant of my cervical mucus, but Gd help me, it occupies my mind some days.
- I felt good about myself. It wasn't perfect, but I didn't feel like I was broken or less of a person.
- If I'm being really honest, I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at one point.
I'm on day 6 since my IUI. I'm feeling a little crampy and very cranky. This can be normal PMS, but I'm also known to be a little psychotic while pregnant. I'm now in the stage where I'm telling myself that it's ok if I wake up with my period. Things will be ok. Things will be ok.
*On a side note, someone found my blog by googling the tool concert. Fabulous.
I Love your list of the way you were "before" - I think I can relate to many of them :)Okay... so I'm just going to say that with my blog name "The Redhead files" you would be amazed at some of the ways people have found my blog ---> Example - and it's not pretty (redhead girl anal sex)WTF?? Sorry to offend anyone out there... but yes. Hahaha it makes me laugh sometimes. Sending lots of love over the next few weeks. Fingers are crossed for you :)
ReplyDeleteClassic!!! Thanks for the crossed fingers! Day 7 and no cramps!
DeleteScary how much I could relate to what you said about before IF. Like you I thought once Matt and I decided to have kids there would be no issues. Guess I was dead wrong. Maybe if I know now what I knew then I would have been smart enough to ask more questions but I guess we chalk that up to a lesson learned. Fingers crossed for you!!!
ReplyDeleteIt was the cervical mucus that got you, wasn't it? :)
DeleteI would've asked a ton more questions as well. I would have never gone on birth control, that way I would've learned to read my body earlier.
Hindsight is 20/20 though. We can't beat up ourselves for the past. Just deal with with we've got now and at least we have each other to lean on.
IT's hard not to let something you want so bad take up such a big part of your life! I find that I have to "cut myself off" from focusing on it at times. I guess it doesn't help that most of us who are having trouble conceiving also have hormones all over the place! :)~ Sheesh!
ReplyDelete1. Love the lists. My mind only works in lists.
ReplyDelete2. I hate acting like I'm conducting a science experiment every time I have to pee! Never thought I'd talk about mucus like it was the weather!
Oh!
3.I need to do my meme thingaroo too! This week, promise!
It is weird that I had a dream you are preg, and you had a dream about it too. -m
ReplyDeletealso love your lists... its the way your mind works and helps you sort things. so no no issues with them at all...
ReplyDelete