I just had my first shot of Gonal F. Am I supposed to feel any different? I was worked up for nothing, it didn't even hurt. My husband was trying to watch a video on how to work this infernal pen while I'm standing over him telling him not to touch it, don't do anything wrong, OMG THAT'S THE NOT THE EFFING DOSE BABY and he's calmly snapping at me to let him watch the video. Marriage..ain't it grand?
If you can't tell, I tend to panic about big things. Buying a car, getting an apartment, getting shot up with medication. You know...big things. Husband handles big things well, he doesn't deal well with every day things and details. He's the yin to my yang, so to speak.
I've been thinking a lot about what happens if this IUI works. Then I'm pregnant, but we all know that I have a sloppy record in carrying the pregnancy. I'm afraid to go through another miscarriage. They're painful, both physically and emotionally. After my first one, I didn't feel like myself for 6 months. I was pregnant for a whole 10 weeks, had a D&C and spent the night in the hospital. When I was able to come home, I just laid in bed and cried. I truly thought it was my fault. I was depressed with the second one as well, but by the third one I was just numb.
Even though I want this to work, what if I get pregnant? What if I lose it? What if, what if, what if, what if. It's probably normal to be scared (but what if it's not). What if my kid only grows one arm and a finger? What if I'm a bad mom? So much to fret about.
My fight does not end with a positive test. It only begins.
Ugh, shots are the pits. Our first one was pretty comical too (and I was freaking out too!) Fingers crossed for you this cycle. Sending positive thoughts and bravery your way!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I'm running a little low today...maybe it's the drugs!
Delete<3
ReplyDeleteD&C = ?
ReplyDelete-m
Or what if things go well? What if? -m
ReplyDeleteI guess that's an option too! One thing at a time tho. Let's get pregnant first.
DeleteSending positive vibes your way! Don't forget to breathe!
ReplyDeleteYou and your hubby sound exactly like us. I could see my hubs and I getting into the same situation in the future.
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman to go through everything that you have gone through. To go along with your other post, you are brave. The thing is we never know what is in the plans, we wish we could know, but we don't. We just have to live our lives the best way we know how, and you are doing an excellent job with taking on what is dealt to you. Stay strong and positive! We are all here for you!