I told my husband on Monday that I'm not interested in any further fertility treatments. We were sort of leaving the door open and I know he'd like to go all the way with IVF, but I'm done. The more I think about it, the anxiety starts build. I've put my body through three surgeries, three miscarraiges, countless rounds of Femara and Clomid, the mindfuck drug Gonal F. I'm just done. I have enough scars on my body. I have enough scars on my heart to last a lifetime and I don't want anymore.
Husband has always made it clear that I'm the one driving this boat. He'll voice his opinion and I'll always have his support, but the final decision lies with me. He seems fine with moving on to adoption. I'm tired of fighting my body. We've been trying for a baby for our entire marriage. Enough.
We're researching our options, but international adoption is really tugging at my heart. I've always wanted to adopt. When I was small, I used to beg my mother and father to adopt a little brother for me. My mom would answer by saying she was too sick, but I'd protest and say that I'd take care of him. Adoption was appealing to me at five, it's so much more appealing at 30 (erm..31 on the 15th, but that's not the point).
Are you guys ok if this turns into an adoption blog? Can I still complain about my body and the lovely effects of PCOS? I'm not sure if I turn in my infertile card or what.
So who knows how we'll end up with our baby. But our baby is coming, have no doubt about that.
I'll leave you on a Damn you Autocorrect moment. I texted Husband earlier this week, asking how he felt about fondue. My phone changed fondue to gunfire. Husband answered with "I'm generally opposed to it, especially when it's directed towards me. Why????' HA! Damn you autocorrect!
I think once you are a card carrying member of IF you are a life time member. And it certainly sounds like you have paid your dues. I for on will still read your blog about adoption. I'm excited for you and very interested in your experiences of adoption. Big hugs for your decision. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteYep, hubby's right- it's your call on when to throw the towel in! I for one will absolutely follow your adoption journey! We're all on a quest for baby, no matter how we get there!
ReplyDeleteLove the autocorrect moment. I need to bookmark that site when I need a laugh!
I will be here following on your next journey and I can't wait to hear all about it! Matt and I haven't talked about the next steps but like your hubby he will let me throw in the towel when I am ready.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to continue along with your journey! Husband and I have agreed to pursue meds only, and then on to adoption...So I may be following for advice along with supporting you!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your decision and good luck on this new path!
I'll be with you the whole way through! We are here to support you and each other by any means of getting a child whether it is with drugs only, IUI, IVF, adoption, or Gods grace a miracle! Can't wait to hear about this next journey for you in having a child!
ReplyDeleteY'all are so fabulous! You make me cry, I'm so happy to have some support outside of my family!
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