Excuse me, I'm rambling.

I've been going back and forth on whether or not I should post this.  Right now, I'm at the eff it point, so I will post.  Five years ago yesterday, I experienced what was my first miscarriage.  I know this because it was exactly a week before Husband's birthday and I had the pleasure of watching the Austr.alian.Op.en  at 3am until the drugs kicked in and I was taken to surgery (also my first D&C).

Here are things that I remember from that day:

• Cramping and bleeding, alot
• Watching Federerererererererer play while on pain meds.  Oh boy!
• Trying to hold my husband's hand all the way into the waiting area for surgery while crying and snotting all over myself. Now that I think about it, I'm afraid it was brother in law's hand.  Either way, he was fabulous.
• Coming out of surgery and Husband telling me it was nice to see me smile while I was eating jello.  Under normal circumstances, I hate jello but anesthesia and more pain meds will make you enjoy things you've never enjoyed before.

I wish we could say we had a baby that was running around, but my womb is as barren as the day is long.  I wish I had something eloquent to say, but I'm fresh out. 

Five years later and this part of my heart is still an open wound.  Is it ever not?  Bah.

Update on the house:

We have a working porch light and doorbell.  We have cleaned off the back porch and I intend on calling a spa repair place tomorrow.  Things are mostly good.  Yesterday just threw me for a loop.

Love to you all!
B